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- Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best coffee jokes.
- There is a time and a place for decaf coffee… Never, and in the trash.
- Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Very, very seriously.
- My wife is furious that I don’t clean the coffee from the machine after I am done with it… Grounds for divorce. (Divorce Jokes)
- My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”… I told him I drink it. (Dentist Jokes)
- So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks… and shouts, “gimme a tea!” (Tea Jokes & Cheerleading Jokes)
- I went to the coffee shop and asked the barista how much a cup of coffee was. He said, “Two dollars and the refills are free.” I said, “Great, I’ll have a refill then.”
- I don’t have a problem with caffeine… I have a problem without caffeine.
- I just read that every year we spend more on coffee than we do on educating our children… How do we sleep at night? (180 School Jokes & Napping Jokes)
- How do you discipline a coffee bean?… You ground it.
- What do you call sad coffee?… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
- Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee… it makes them boiling mad?
- What did the barista call her face mask?… A coughy filter. (Covid Jokes)
- A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go… The coffee gets up and leaves.
- What is the unofficial song for National Coffee Day?… Black Coffee in Bed! (Music Jokes & Napping Jokes)
- Coffee Pun: Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
- The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves… Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce? (Marriage Jokes / Divorce Jokes / Tea Jokes)
- Where does Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?… Star-bucks. (Christmas Eve Jokes)
- Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black?… There is no more KAREEM. (Basketball Jokes)
- Why was the barista fired?… He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
- What did the coffee lover name his son?… Joe, obviously. (Baby Jokes)
- Someone stole my coffee cup from work today… I’m just off down the police station now to look at a few mug shots. (Police Jokes)
- How does Moses make his coffee?… Hebrews it.
- I was on the phone with my wife and said, “I’m almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “You still there sweetheart?” “Yeah,” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…”
- I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit… because it was always the same old grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
- The coffee tasted like dirt… because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
- What did the coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Nurse Jokes)
- What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?… Sanka. (Ocean Jokes)
- Where do college basketball players always get their coffee?… Dunkin’ Donuts! (Donut Jokes & March Madness Jokes)
- Why don’t dementors drink coffee… Because they hate Espresso Patronum. (Harry Potter Jokes)
- What does the Cat in the Hat use to make his coffee?… A purr-colator. (Cat Jokes)
- What do yuppie sharks like to drink?… Jaw-va. (Shark Jokes)
- A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?” (Psychology Jokes)
- Lobster Pun: Lobsters like their morning clawfee to be hot. (Lobster Jokes)
- Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” (Milk Jokes)
- Where do birds go for coffee?… on a NESTcafe! (Bird Jokes)
- What are coffee shops in Russia called?… Tsarbucks. (World Geography Jokes)
- What do lobsters drink in the morning?… Clawfee. (Lobster Jokes)
- I don’t think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend… I think of it as being an hour closer to coffee. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
- What’s the opposite of coffee?… Sneezy. (Doctor Jokes)
- Starbucks or Victoria Secrets?…..Who charges more per cup?
- Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Police Jokes)
- What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?… I asked for coffee.
- When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop… He was known as the pasta barista baby. (Spaghetti Jokes & Movie Jokes)
- Drink coffee… Do stupid things faster with more energy.
- What is a wizard’s favorite drink?… Espresso Patronum.
- What is a shark attack survivor’s favorite coffee?… Half-caf.
- Don’t ever let anyone tell you fairy tales aren’t real. I wake up every morning to drink a potion made from magic beans that brings me back to life.
- I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi… It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier. (Computer Jokes)
- Instead of going to Starbucks, I make coffee at home, mispronounce my own name as loudly as possible, then light $5 on fire.
- Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?… Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says. “He-brews”
- What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Star Wars Jokes)
- How are coffee beans like middle school kids?… They’re always getting grounded. (Middle School Jokes)
- The worst thing about being a giraffe is that your coffee gets cold by the time it reaches your belly. (Giraffe Jokes)
- If you spend too much time drinking coffee in the morning… you could be latte for work again. (Labor Day Jokes)
- I like my coffee like I like my people… I don’t like coffee.
- Why did the coffee file a police report?… It got mugged.
- How does a tech guy drink coffee?… He installs Java.
- How does coffee talk to its therapist?… It spills the beans.
- Why are all baristas good at solving mysteries?… Because they know how to find the grounds.
- How does a coffee bean say good morning?… Have a brew-tiful day!
- How do you know if you’re a coffee addict?… You sleep with your eyes open.
- What do you call two coffee mugs sitting side by side?… A happy cup-ple.
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?… Mugging.
- How does a cup of coffee feel about life?… It’s bean thinking a latte.
- What kind of coffee do vampires drink?… Decoffinated.
- What did the espresso say to the coffee bean?… You crack me up.
- What’s it called when you’re really into coffee?… A brewing romance.
- How do you make a coffee float?… You use heavy cream.
- What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga use in her coffee?… Raw raw raw raw raw. Raw raw raw raw raw.
- I was drinking coffee in my snow boots this morning. I thought to myself… I need to get a mug.
- What do you call it when a coffee joke is so funny that it causes an uproar?… A brew-haha.
- What did the Brazilian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?… What’s Sumatra with you?
- What currency can we use to buy coffee in space?… Star-bucks.- coffee jokes Star-bucks.
- How does Starbucks get away with charging outrageous prices for coffee?… Because they have Italian titles for everything!
- I made my wife a cup of coffee today and she complained it tasted like dirt. I said, “That’s not surprising. It was just ground this morning.” (Marriage Jokes)
- A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee. (Napping Jokes)
- Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?… Because he was pressed for time. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
- What is best Beatles coffee song?… Latte Be! (Music Jokes)
- Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
- I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker… It has a lot of perks.
- A newlywed religious couple are lying in bed one morning when the husband says, “How about you go brew us some coffee?” The wife replies, “That’s your job.” The husband, a little taken aback, says, “Says who?” The wife replies, “The bible; it’s on just about every page.” The husband says, “No it isn’t! The bible don’t say anything about brewing coffee!” The wife gets her bible from the bedside table and flips through the pages as she says, “See every page: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews.” (Marriage Jokes)
- My sister made me some coffee today. I said to her, “You make a mean cup of coffee, sis.” She said, “It was good?” I replied, “I just said, it was average.” (Math Jokes for Teachers)
- How did the hipster burn his tongue?… He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- I drink so much coffee at work… I consider it part of my daily grind. (Labor Day Jokes)
- What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh coffee in the break room. (Nurse Jokes)
- The barista at Starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote “callthecops.” I didn’t bother leaving a tip. (Police Jokes)
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?… Mugging. (Police Jokes)
- I don’t call it coffee, I prefer the term, “break fluid.” (Car Jokes)
- Coffee is the silent victim in our house… It gets mugged every day. (Police Jokes)
- What’s a shark’s favorite coffee shop?… Shark-bucks. (Shark Jokes)
- What do you call it when cafe customers joke about their coffee?… A brewhaha. (Boxing Jokes)
- What did the coffee say after getting hit by an earthquake?… I’m shaken but not stirred. (Earthquake Jokes)
- What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentine’s Day?… “Words cannot espresso what you mean to me.” (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! (Veterans’ Day Jokes)
- What do lobsters drink in the morning?… Clawfee. (Lobster Jokes)
- How do you make Pig Jerky?… Give them some coffee. (Pig Jokes)
- There are two types of people in this world… People who love Starbucks and liars.
- How does an IT guy drink coffee?… He installs Java. (Computer Jokes)
- Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?… Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- What’s a coffee’s favorite spell?… Espresso Patronum!
- When I got to the break room at work… I had that deja-brew feeling again. (Labor Day Jokes)
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about coffee?
- What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush?… “Espresso yourself.”
- How do sharks stay up all night?… They drink jaw-va. (Shark Jokes)
- Why do I not like hot drinks?… It’s just not my cup of tea. (Iced-T Jokes)
- The worst part of waking up (from a nap), is Folgers in your lap! (Napping Jokes)
- What kind of coffee goes well with a fruit cake?… Despresso. (Psychology Jokes)
- What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?… De-calfinated.
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good coffee knock-knock joke?
- What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! (Doctor Jokes)
- Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?… It made him too jumpy. (Kangaroo Jokes)
- A man at a restaurant was annoyed that the waiter hadn’t brought a spoon for his coffee, so at the top of his voice, and so the other patrons could hear, he states “This coffee is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.” The waiter hearing this made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned promptly to the table with another coffee. “Here you are sir” said the waiter. “This coffee is not nearly as hot.”
- Why did the coffee shop close for the day?… Because a storm was brewing.
- What did the one coffee bean say to the other?… I brewlieve in you!
- What’s a coffee bean’s favorite vacation destination?… aRoma!
- What’s a coffee bean’s favorite newspaper?… The Daily Grind.
- How does Henry VIII like his coffee?… Decap. (Biology Jokes for Teachers)
- What do you call a skater who likes Starbucks?… A coffee grinder. (Skateboarding Jokes)
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good coffee knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
- Why don’t snakes drink coffee?… Because it makes them viperactive. (Snake Jokes)
- I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee… Safe tea first, though.
- What do yuppie sharks like to drink?… Jaw-va. (Shark Jokes)
- What did the barista’s Valentine say?… Words cannot espresso my love for you.(Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- What do you call Java that won’t stop brewing?… Stand your ground coffee.
- What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?… The French press.
- What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee? – A mugging!
- What’s a coffee’s favorite Shakespeare play?… Macbrew.
- What’s a coffee’s favorite dessert?… Anything with a latte sugar.
- What’s a coffee’s favorite social media platform?… Insta-grind.
- What’s a coffee’s favorite compliment?… “You’re brew-tiful.”
- What’s a coffee’s favorite dance move?… The jitterbug.
- What’s a coffee’s favorite romantic movie?… Groundhog Day.
- How does coffee say goodbye?… It says, “I’ll catch you on the drip side.”
- What’s a coffee’s favorite movie genre?… Mocha-mentary.
- People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning. No, I say. I just bring him some coffee.
- What do gossiping pots do?… Spill the beans.
- Why should you be wary of 5-cent espresso?… It’s a cheap shot.
- Why don’t coffee beans ever get into arguments?… They prefer to espresso themselves peacefully.
- Why did the espresso keep checking its watch?… Because it was pressed for time.
- What did one coffeepot say to the other?… “Let me pour out my heart to you.”
- What is a bean’s favorite thing to eat on Thanksgiving?… Roast.
- What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?… A latte love.
- What did the coffee say to the latte after they spilled hot milk on each other?… “Hey, don’t mocha me angry!”
- Why don’t coffee beans ever get tired?… They have a latte energy.
- What do you call a coffee shop with no customers?… Depressoing.
- What did the coffee use for a pick-up line?… Hey there, hot stuff!
- What did the two coffee enthusiasts say when they got married?… We’re meant to bean together!
- What do beans say to their significant others?… You keep me grounded.
- Coffee Pun: Thanks a latte for me being my friend… You mocha me very happy.
- Coffee Pun: You warm my heart.
- What did the two coffee-loving besties say to each other?… Thanks a latte for me being my friend.
- What do you call a latte with a coffee drink with a great personality?… A delatte.
- I do some of my best thinking over coffee… I tend to have a latte on my mind.
- How do you know if you’ve found the perfect coffee house?… They have latte good seating.
- What’s an attorney’s favorite drink?… A LAW-te.
- Coffee Pun: She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
- Coffee Pun: I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
- What’s a barista’s favorite morning mantra?… Rise and grind!
- What did the coffees say before their night out?… Let’s stir up some trouble!
- What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers?… You mocha me crazy!
- Coffee Pun: You’re brew-ti-ful. Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me.
- What do you call two coffee mugs sitting next together?… A happy cup-ple.
- Coffee Pun: “Wake me up before you cocoa!”
- What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song?… Hit Me With your Best Shot!
- Coffee Pun: I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
- Why did it take the bean so long to do its homework?… Because it was procaffeinating.
- How do cups greet each other?… With mugs and kisses.
- What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee?… Their friendship came to a bitter end.
- I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino… but it was all froth and no substance.
- What did the coffee say about its late assignment?… Better latte than never! What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you’ve been there before? Déja-brew. Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt. Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time. I was reading a book about the origin of cappuccino but it was all froth and no substance. Why did the coffee shop close for the day? Because a storm was brewing.
- Why did the frog stop drinking coffee?… It made him too jumpy. (Kangaroo Jokes)
- This morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. After 15 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized I left my car at home. (Car Jokes)
- How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?… You channel surf faster without the remote. (Surfing Jokes)
- What did the caffeine addict name his cats?… Cream and Sugar. (Cat Jokes)
- Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?… It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
- How is it a sin for a woman to make coffee?… The Bible clearly says “He-brews”
- Why did the coffee file a police report?… Because it was mugged. (Police Jokes)
- How does one bad cup of coffee end a marriage?… One person think its grounds for divorce. (Marriage Jokes & Divorce Jokes)
- I went to the doctor and told him every time I take a sip of coffee, I feel a stabbing pain in my face. He said, “Take the spoon out next time.” (Doctor Jokes)
- How is divorce like espresso?… It’s expensive and bitter. (Marriage Jokes & Divorce Jokes)
- What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- Why are men are like coffee?… The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night. (Valentine’s Day Jokes)
- Yo mama so stupid she thought Dunkin Donuts was a basketball team. (Basketball Jokes & Top 10 Sports Jokes)
- The prom committee ordered custom coffee mugs for the prom… so everyone could have a memorable cup-le!