Joke of the Day: 365 Clean Jokes

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August Jokes / Top August Pages / Top August Hashtags

Top Back to School Jokes

  1. Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust of wind over 74 MPH could be the start of a hurricane! (Hurricane Jokes)
  2. Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who? A gust of wind knocked me over! 
  3. When do you go at red and stop at green?… When you’re eating a watermelon. (Watermelon Jokes) #NationalWatermelonDay

August Jokes

September Jokes

October Jokes

November Jokes

December Jokes

(update 12/2018)

Christmas Trivia & Answers

  1. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem! (Top Psychology Jokes)
  2. What kind of music does elves like best?…”Wrap” music!
  3. What do elves learn in schools?… the “elf”-abet!
  4. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?… So he can ho-ho-ho! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  5. What is the best Christmas present in the world?….A broken drum, you can’t beat it! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  6. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?… Nothing, it was on the house! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  7. What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel)! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  8. What nationality is Santa?… North Polish! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  9. Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?… Rude-olph! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  10. Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Mary… Mary who?… Mary Christmas! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  11. Where do Santa Claus and the elves keep their money?… In a snow bank. (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  12. Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  13. When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (Elementary teachers are great tutors!)
  14. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?… I Yam your father! (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  15. How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?… With Ewokie Talkies (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  16. Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?… At the Darth Maul, of course. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  17. What do Gungans put things in?… Jar Jars. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  18. What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?… A Sith-Kabob! (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  19. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  20. What did the ghost say to Santa?… We’ll have a boo Christmas without you!
  21. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?… “Looks like rain, dear.”
  22. Knock knockWho’s there?… Irish... Irish who? … Irish you a Merry Christmas!
  23. Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Olive…Olive, who?…Olive the other reindeer.
  24. What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic.
  25. Why is Santa so good at karate?… Because he has a black belt!
  26. Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?… Comet!
  27. What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?…Halo there!
  28. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe
  29. What kind of money do Santa and the elves use in the North Pole?…Cold cash!
  30. What do reindeer say before telling a joke?… This one will sleigh you!
  31. How do you make a slow reindeer fast?… Don’t feed it!
  32. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?… Because of all the wrapping!
  33. What kind of bug hates Christmas?… A humbug.
  34. What does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG syne (Top New Years Eve Jokes)
  1. New Year’s Eve Jokes: What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security

January Jokes (Winter Jokes)

  1. January 1st: Top New Year’s Day Jokes: What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top Easter Jokes)
  2. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Winter Jokes)
  3. Where is the best location for a Blizzard?…. Dairy Queen. (Blizzard Jokes)
  4. January 4th: National Spaghetti Day Jokes: What do you call a fake noodle?… An impasta.
  5. January 5th: National Bird Day Jokes: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra! (101 Pi Day JokesAlgebra Jokes)
  6. How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle! (Bike Jokes)
  7. What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes! (Cereal Day Jokes)
  8. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (National Football Champions & Top Football Jokes)
  9. What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (180 School JokesSkiing Jokes)
  10. What do snowmen wear on their heads?… Ice caps! (Winter Jokes)
  11. January 11th: National Milk Day Jokes: What did mama cow say to baby cow?… It’s pasture bedtime. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
  12. What do you find in an empty nose?… fingerprints! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
  13. What kind of stories are told by basketball players?…. Tall Tales. (Basketball Jokes)
  14. What did the football say to the punter?… “I get a kick out of you.” (Super Bowl Champions & Top Football Jokes)
  15. January 15th: National Hat Day Jokes: What did the hat say to the tie?… “You hang around here…I’ll go on a head.”
  16. Why are bananas good at gymnastics?… They do great banana splits! (Top Gymnastics Jokes)
  17. What does Winnie-the-Pooh and Jabba the Hutt have in common?… The same middle name. (Star Wars Jokes)
  18. January 18th: Top 50 Winnie the Pooh Jokes: What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin.
  19. January 19th: National Popcorn Day Jokes: Why aren’t there many jokes about popcorn?… Because they are corny.
  20. Why won’t the elephant use the computer?….He’s afraid of the mouse! (180 School Jokes)
  21. What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer! (Cow Jokes)
  22. What’s the best thing to put into a pie?… Your teeth! (National Pie Day JokesDentist Jokes)
  23. January 23rd: National Pie Day Jokes:Why did the pie go to a dentist?… Because he needed a filling! (Dentist Jokes)
  24. January 24th: National Peanut Butter Day Jokes: Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?…  I’m nut telling you. You might spread it!
  25. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?…. Patty (Hamburger Jokes)
  26. What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long? (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  27. If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use?… Your fishing tackle. (Top Fishing Jokes Super Bowl Jokes)
  28. If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! (Top 10 U.S. States Jokes)
  29. Why do paper maps never win at poker?… Because they always fold. (Top Sports Jokes)
  30. Why are croissant jokes always funny?…… Because they never get mold! (Croissant Day Jokes)
  31. Why wasn’t the moon hungry?… Because it was full! (Astronomy JokesFull Moon Names & MeaningsFull Moon Jokes)

February Jokes

  1. What month is the best for coffee? …. Feb – BREW – ary (Coffee Jokes)
  2. February 2nd: Ground Hog Day: What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  3. What month is the Jake Paul’s favorite? …. Feb – BRO – ary
  4. Super Bowl Sunday: What football play should you be suspicious of in the Super Bowl?… The quarterback sneak. (Top Football Jokes)
  5. What month is the best month to tell a lie? …. FIB -ruary (Coffee Jokes)
  6. What always sits in the corner but can move all round the world?… A stamp. (Top Geography Jokes)
  7. What do you call a lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker. (Top Football Jokes)
  8. What’s a curler’s favorite kind of food?… Take out! (Fast Food Jokes & Winter Olympics Jokes)
  9. What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?” (Rowing Jokes)
  10. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart. (Doctor Jokes)
  11. What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you! (Pencil Jokes)
  12. What is a ghost’s favorite month?… Feb – BOO – uary. (Halloween Jokes)
  13. What was the luge racers favorite band?… New kids on the block! (Luge JokesWinter Olympics Jokes)
  14. February 14th: Top Valentine’s Day Jokes: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
  15. Figure Skating Jokes: How is music like ice skating?… If you don’t “C sharp” you’ll “B flat.” (Winter Olympics Jokes)
  16. NBA All-Star Weekend Who was the poet of basketball?… Longfellow. (Top Basketball Jokes)
  17. Daytona 500 What don’t drivers eat before a big race?… In case they get indy-gestion. (Daytona 500 Jokes)
  18. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Civil War Jokes)
  19. President’s Day Jokes: Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (George Washington Quotes)
  20. Why are curlers such great artists?… They all know how to draw! (Curling Jokes)
  21. What does chemistry and figure skating have in common?… Elements. (Chemistry Jokes101 Mole Day Jokes)
  22. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Brrrr- itos. (Cinco de Mayo Jokes)
  23. Why do figure skaters work in bakeries when they retire?…They’re great at icing cakes. (Cake JokesFigure Skating Jokes)
  24. What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer! (180 School Jokes)
  25. Why is music like a fish?…. They both have scales! (180 School Jokes)
  26. Did you hear about the dog at the flea circus?… He stole the show! (Dog Jokes)
  27. Can February March? … No, but April May!
  28. What is a Kermit The Frog’s favorite month?… February. It has a Leap Year.

March JokesMarch Jokes for Kids

March Madness JokesMarch Madness Trivia

  1. What can be seen in the middle of the months ‘April’ and ‘March’, that cannot be seen in the beginning or end of either month?… the letter “r.”
  2. March 2nd: Dr. Seuss Jokes: Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?… Because there’s always Whos there! (Top Christmas Jokes)
  3. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
  4. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon! (Animal Jokes)
  5. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!” (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
  6. March 6th: Oreo Cookie Jokes Why do basketball players love Oreo cookies?… Because they can dunk them! (Basketball JokesCoaching Youth BasketballYouth Basketball 101)
  7. March 7th: National Cereal Day Jokes: Did you hear about Tony The Tiger’s murder?… Police suspect a cereal killer.
  8. March 7th: National Pancake Day Jokes: Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He just flipped.
  9. March 9th: National Meatball Day: Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball!
  10. Why didn’t the clock work?… It needed a hand. (Top Biology Jokes)
  11. March 11th Day Light Savings Jokes: What does a clock do when it’s hungry?… It goes back for seconds!
  12. 101 Pi Day Jokes: 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
  13. March 13th: National Napping Day: Did you hear about the kidnapping?…. He’s still sleeping!
  14. March 14th: 101 Pi Day Jokes: What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
  15. March Madness Jokes: What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
  16. March Madness Jokes: Why did the basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball! (Police Jokes)
  17. March 17th: St. Patrick’s Day Jokes: Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
  18. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
  19. What did the leprechaun do for a living?… He was a short-order cook!
  20. March 20th: 1st Day of Spring: If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?… Pilgrims! (Top Social Studies Jokes)
  21. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?… Spring-time! (Top Gymnastics Jokes)
  22. March 22nd: World Water Day: What did the sink say to the water faucet?… You’re a real drip.
  23. Who shaves 10 times a day and still has a beard?… The barber. (Beard Jokes)
  24. When is the best month to hold a protest?… March. (March For Our Lives)
  25. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!! (Cheese Jokes)
  26. Final Four Jokes: Sports Reporter: What do you think about the execution of your team? Frustrated March Madness coach: I support that 100%!
  27. What do you call sad coffee?”… Despresso. (Coffee JokesTop Psychology Jokes & High School Psychology Lessons)
  28. March 30th: National Doctors Day: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Christmas JokesChristmas Trivia)
  29. MLB Opening Day Jokes: Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches!
  30. March 30th: National Pencil Day: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?… Because it has no point!
  31. What did the summer say to the spring?… Help! I’m going to fall. (Top Summer JokesTop Fall Jokes)

April JokesApril Guest Blogs

  1. Do you know all about April 1st?… Yes, I’m fooly aware of it! (April Fool’s Day Jokes)
  2. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?… Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March! (Top Spring Jokes)
  3. What can be seen in the middle of the months ‘April’ and ‘March’, that cannot be seen in the beginning or end of either month?… the letter “r.”
  4. Which baseball player holds water?…The pitcher. (Baseball Jokes)
  5. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?… Nacho cheese (Burrito Jokes)
  6. Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game?… He screamed with every swing.  (Golf Jokes)
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  11. National Pet Day Jokes: How did the little Scottish puppy feel when he saw a monster?… Terrier-fied! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  12. National Grilled Cheese Day: Which is the most religious grill cheese sandwich?… Grilled cheese with Swiss, because it is holy.
  13. Friday the 13th Jokes: Why does Freddy Krueger wear a hat?… He ran out of scare spray.
  14. Patriots’ Day Jokes: What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? … Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  15. Earth Day Jokes: How do trees get on the internet?… They log in. (Arbor Day Jokes)

May JokesMay Jokes for Kids

May HashtagTop May Pages

  1. May Day Jokes: Did you hear the joke about May Day?… It doesn’t work for me!
  2. What month always asks questions and permission?… May! (May Jokes)
  3. Kentucky Derby Jokes: How does a Kentucky Derby horse greet another horse?…With Southern Horspitality!
  4. May the 4th be With Jokes: When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (School Jokes)
  5. Cinco De Mayo Jokes: Cinco De May Jokes for Kids: Why can’t you trust burritos to keep a secret?… They tend to spill the beans.
  6. Prom Jokes: What did the swordfish say to the marlin on prom night?… Looking sharp!
  7. What do you get when you complete science class?… A graduated cylinder. (Chemistry Jokes)
  8. Jokes for the Last Day of School: Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Wendy… Wendy Who?… Wendy bell rings, school is out for Summer. (180 School JokesSummer Jokes for Kids)
  9. Graduation Jokes: What did the M&M want to graduate college?… Because he wanted to be a Smarty.  (Top Candy Jokes)
  10. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses on the last day of school?… She had bright students! (Top Summer Jokes)
  11. Jokes for the Last Day of School: Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you leave school, thank your teacher for a great year! ((School Knock-Knock Jokes & Write a Thank You Letter to A Teacher)
  12. Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to go to summer school? (Top Summer School Jokes)
  13. Why can’t you trust an atom?… They make up everything! (Top Physics Jokes)
  14. What don’t drivers eat before a big race?… In case they get indy-gestion. (Indy 500 JokesTop Nascar Jokes)
  15. May 23rd: World Turtle Day: What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck! (World Turtle Day Jokes)
  16. Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?… The ship might crack up! (Han Solo Jokes)
  17. Memorial Day Jokes: What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes & Top 10 Memorial Day Jokes)
  18. Full Moon Jokes: How does the man in the moon cut his hair?… Eclipse it.(Astronomy Jokes & Barber Jokes)

June JokesJune Joke for Kids / June Hashtags / Top 10 June Pages

  1. National Donut Day: What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut? A plain (plane) donut! #NationalDonutDay (Pilot Jokes & Donut Jokes)
  2. Did hear the mountain joke?… You won’t get over it! (Hiking Jokes) #NationalTrailsDay
  3. Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you leave school, thank your teacher for a great year! ( Jokes for the Last Day of School & Write a Thank You Letter to A Teacher)
  4. National Cheese Day: What do you call cheese that is sad?… Blue cheese. (Psychology Jokes)
  5. Knock Knock…. Who’s there?… June – O… June – O Who?… Juno (Juneau) is the capital of Alaska! (Alaska Jokes & Geography Jokes)
  6. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses on the last day of school?… She had bright students! (Top Summer Jokes)
  7. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?…  Boarding school. (Top Summer Jokes & Surfing Jokes)
  8. World Oceans Day Jokes: Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?… He didn’t have a leg to stand on! (Ocean Jokes & Shark Jokes for Kids)
  9. Father’s Day Jokes: What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son. (Animal Jokes)
  10. What did the tennis player say before playing with vanilla ice cream?… “I’d like a soft serve, please!” (Tennis JokesIce Cream Jokes) #NationalChocolateIceCreamDay
  11. Which baseball player holds water?…The pitcher. (Baseball Jokes #3)
  12. Why did the soccer ball quit the team?… It was tired of being kicked around.(World Cup Soccer JokesTop Soccer Jokes)
  13. How is a flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas Jokes for KidsChristmas Trivia)
  14. Flag Day Jokes: What did on flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Flag Day Jokes for Kids)
  15. Flip Flop Jokes: What do you call a French guy in sandals?… Phillipe Phloppe . #NationalFlipFlopDay
  16. Summer Solstice Jokes: What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Math Jokes) #SummerSolstice
  17. Summer Jokes: When do you go at red and stop at green?… When you’re eating a watermelon.

July Jokes / July Hashtags

  1. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?Fire crackers. (Firecracker Jokes)
  2. What dance was very popular in 1776?…Indepen-dance! (4th of July Jokes & Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  3. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  4. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?…Yeah, it cracked me up!
  5. What do you call witches who live on the beach?… Sandwitches! (Top Massachusetts Jokes)
  6. Why can’t basketball players go on summer vacation?… They’d get called for traveling! (Top Basketball Jokes)
  7. Best Summer Vacation Book Never Written: “Where to Stay on Vacation” by Moe Tell.
  8. What do get when you cross Jason Voorhees and a box of cherrios?… A cereal killer. (Friday the 13th Jokes / Top Friday the 13th Jokes /Top Cereal Day Jokes)
  9. July 15th National Ice Cream Day Jokes: What do you get from an Alaskan cow?…  Ice Cream (Top Geography Jokes Top State Jokes)
  10. Did you hear the joke about the all-star game baseball?… It will leave you in stitches! (All-Star Game Jokes)
  11. Did you see the movie about the hot dog?… It was an Oscar Wiener. (National Hot Dog Day Jokes)
  12. Which sharks would you find at a construction site?… Hammerhead sharks. (Shark Jokes for kids / Shark Jokes) #SharkWeek #SharkWeek2018
  13. What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter sandwiches?… Jellyfish.
  14. What happens when you cross a great white shark with a cow fish?…  I don’t know…but I wouldn’t want to milk it! (Milk Jokes)

 

4th of July Jokes: What dance was very popular in 1776?…Indepen-dance!

  1. Where do sharks go on summer vacation?… Finland!
  2. What is a @NCTM math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Math Jokes)
  3. What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?… I’m bacon!
  4. Why do bananas use sunscreen?… Because they peel.
  5. Which letter is the coolest?… Iced t.
  6. What’s the best day to go to the beach?… SUN day!
  7. What does the sun drink out of?… SUN glasses.
  8. What did the beach say as the tide came in?… Long time no sea. (Top Geography Jokes)
  9. The seaside resort we visited last summer was so boring that one day the tide went out and never came back.
  10. Why did the summer school teacher wear sunglasses?…. Because her class was so bright! (Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
  11. What do you call a french guy in sandals?… Phillipe Phloppe. (French Teachers are Great Tutors!)
  12. What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer?… A hot dog!
  13. Where does a ship go when it’s sick?… To the DOCK!
  14. What’s that new summer pirate movie rated?…It’s rated ARRRRRR!
  15. What do whales like to put on their toast?… Jellyfish!
  16. What does a shark eat for dinner?… Fish and ships!
  17. Where does a fish go to borrow money?… The loan shark!
  18. How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?… They use bear conditioning!
  19. How do bees get to summer school?… By school buzz! (180 School Jokes)
  20. What do sheep do on sunny days?… Have a baa-baa-cue.
  21. Why did the robot go on summer vacation?… He needed to recharge his batteries.
  22. Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?… They’re afraid to relax and unwind! (Top 10 Mother’s Day Jokes)
  23. Where did the sheep go on vacation?… The Baa-hamas!
  24. Why don’t oysters share their pearls?… Because they’re shellfish.
  25. Why do golfers carry an extra pair of socks?… In case they get a hole in one. (Top Sports Jokes)
  26. Why are gulls named seagulls?… If they were by the bay, they’d be bagels!
  27. Why do fish swim in salt water?… Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  28. What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool?… Show me your mussels.
  29. What summer vacation destination makes a pet bird sing for joy?… The Canary Islands!
  30. What do you call a fish with no eyes?… A fsh.
  31. What did the bread do on vacation?… It loafed around.

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