Golf Jokes

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  1. Golf is a game where the ball lies poorly and the golfers lie well. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  2. Why did they kick Tarzan out of the golf game?… He screamed with every swing.
  3. Why did the golfer have an extra pair of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  4. Are you a scratch player?… I sure am – every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
  5. Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?… He was perfecting his swing.
  6. Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost.
  7. The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more likely he is to try to tell you what you’re doing wrong.
  8. Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
  9. What’s the easiest shot in golf?… Your fourth putt.
  10. Why does the golfer carry two shirts?… In case he gets a hole in one.
  11. I’m ready to go for this par-5 green in two, but there’s still a group on the green. What should I do?… Well, you have two options: you can go ahead and shank it right now, or wait for the green to clear and then top the ball half way there.
  12. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  13. The golfer called one of the caddies and said, “I want a caddie who can count and keep the score. What’s 3 and 4 and 5 add up to?” “11 sir,” said the caddie. “Good, you’ll do perfectly.” (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  14. How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?… FORE! (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  15. What’s the problem with my golf game?… You’re standing too close to the ball … after you’ve hit it.
  16. My golf game is so bad I had to have my ball retriever regripped.
  17. When is the course too wet to play golf?… When your golf cart capsizes.
  18. Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddie: “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.”
  19. A good golf partner is one who’s always a little bit worse than you are.
  20. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, it means he probably shot an eight. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  21. You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married?… Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.
  22. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
  23. How do you like my game?… Oh, it’s a great game, but personally I prefer golf.
  24. The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
  25. I once played a golf course that was so difficult I lost two balls in the ball washer!
  26. The game of golf is 90-percent mental and 10-percent mental. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  27. Why is the game called “golf”?… Because all the other 4-letter words were already taken.
  28. When it comes to putters, try before you buy: Never buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
  29. A golfer who says he never cheats is also a liar.
  30. You made a 12 on a par-3? How in the world did you manage that?… I chipped in from the fringe. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  31. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10-percent of the time, but hit a 2-inch branch 90-percent of the time. (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  32. Two longtime golf buddies were standing on a tee box overlooking a river, getting ready to hit their tee shots.  One golfer pointed down the river, turned to the other golfer and said, “Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!” (Top Fishing Jokes)
  33. Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” you score a six, and you write down “five.” (Top Math Jokes 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  34. If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.
  35. Golfer: Hey caddie, would you wade into that pond and see if you can find my ball? Caddie: Why? Golfer: It’s my lucky ball
  36. Why does the golfer carry two pants?… In case he gets a hole in one.
  37. Why does the golfer carry an extra pair of socks?… In case he gets a hole in one.

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