March Madness Jokes: 64 Funny Basketball Jokes

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  1. What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
  2. In what sport is a basket filled but never gets full?… Basketball.
  3. Sports Reporter: What do you think about the execution of your team? Frustrated March Madness coach: I support that 100%!
  4. Did you hear one Final Four team is dressing only 7 players?… The rest dress themselves.
  5. Why did the basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball!
  6. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!!
  7. “I told one player, ‘Son, I can’t understand it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’” Frank Layden
  8. Why do basketball players love cookies?… Because they can dunk them!
  9. “He’s great on the court,” a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in an interview with his coach. “But’s how’s his scholastic work?” “Why, he makes straight A’s,” replied the coach. “Wonderful!” said the sportswriter. “Yes,” agreed the coach, “but his B’s are a little crooked.”
  10. “We have a great bunch of outside shooters; unfortunately, all our games are played indoors.” Weldon Drew
  11. “When Xavier McDaniel plays against Orlando Wooldridge, it’s a coach’s dream – X vs O.” Mychal Thompson
  12. What did the Butler fan do after his team won the NCAA Championship?… Shut off his Xbox.
  13. Why doesn’t BYU want to be this year’s Cinderella team?… Because the school considers the movie to be inappropriate.
  14. Why is there a Texas school in the tournament called “Steve Austin”?… Because Stone Cold said so.
  15. Why do Gonzaga fans only play 14 holes of golf?… Because they can’t make it to the Final Four.
  16. How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?… Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
  17. “All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference in scoring, my grades would be fine.” Charles Barkley
  18. What do you call a Georgetown player with a championship ring?… a senior citizen.
  19. Duke fans have trouble spelling “Krzyzewski.” UNC fans have trouble spelling “Smith.”
  20. When Austin Peay University had a player named Fly Williams, the students would chant, “The Fly is open! Let’s go Peay!”
  21. No, but they gave one to me anyway. – L.A. Lakers rookie Elden Campbell when asked if he earned a degree at Clemson University
  22. “The secret is to have eight great players, and four others who will cheer like crazy.” Jerry Tarkanian
  23. “The best thing about freshmen is they become sophomores.” (Not always true)Al McGuire
  24. Why did John Calipari cross the road?… To hit up the ATM so he could pay another 6’11” forward.
  25. What kind of stories are told by basketball players?…. Tall Tales.
  26. Who was the poet of basketball?… Longfellow.
  27. Why did the basketball player visit the bank?… His checks were all bouncing.
  28. They’re a team in transition… They’re going from bad to worse.
  29. Why can’t you play basketball with pigs?… They hog the ball
  30. Why did the basketball sit on the sideline and sketch pictures of chickens?… He was trying to draw fowls / fouls.
  31. What’s the difference between a ball hog and time?… Time passes.
  32. What’s a cheerleader’s favorite color?… Yeller!
  33. What do basketball cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?… Root beer!
  34. What’s the difference between a dog and a basketball player?… One drools, the other dribbles.
  35. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  36. Why is a baby good at basketball?… Because they’re always dribbling.
  37. Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player?… Her coach was a pumpkin.
  38. If Shaquille O’Neal was a shade of blue he would be Shaquille O’Teal.
  39. What would you get if you crossed basketball with a newborn snake?… a bouncing baby boa.
  40. Why is a scrambled egg like a losing basketball team?… Because they both have been beaten.
  41. Did you hear about the basketball team that doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  42. Why can’t you get a fairly officiated game in the jungle?… They are all cheetahs.
  43. Why are basketball players messy eaters?… They’re always dribbling.
  44. Why is basketball the grossest sport there is?… Because they dribble all over the court.
  45. What do you call a pig with playing basketball?… A ball hog.
  46. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?… She ran away from the ball.
  47. If a basketball gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?… Missle toe (Top Christmas Jokes)
  48. What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?… A tall tale.
  49. The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.  Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”  A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”
  50. Why couldn’t the basketball player listen to his music?… Because he broke a record!
  51. How do basketball players stay cool during a game?… They stand near the fans.
  52. Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year — “62-63,” “63-64,” “64-65,” etc.  One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, “Isn’t it strange how the teams always lost by one point?”
  53. Why are frogs so good at basketball?… Because they always make jump shots.
  54. Why is a referee like an angry chicken?… They both have foul mouths.
  55. Why couldn’t the baby make a basket?… Because he was always dribbling.
  56. Why was the basketball court wet?… Because people were dribbling on it!
  57. I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don’t have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.
  58. Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?… He wanted to beat the crowd.
  59. What is the difference between Allen Iverson and time?… Time passes.
  60. “I’m a coach who believes in execution. Whenever I see [that player] shoot free throws, I want to execute him.” Rick Pitino
  61. “Fans never fall asleep at our games because they’re afraid they might get hit with a pass.” George Raveling
  62. “I don’t like talking about money; all I know is the good Lord must have wanted me to have it.” Larry Bird
  63. “I think that the team that wins game five will win the series… unless we lose game five.” Charles Barkley
  64. Why did the basketball player go to jail?… Because he was bouncing checks!
  65. What does a basketball player do when he loses his eyesight?.. Become a referee.

 

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