World’s Best Top 10 Jokes! World’s Best Jokes

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The following Top 10 Jokes are taken from the world’s best jokes for teachers!

365 Jokes for Families

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January Jokes

Top Winter Jokes

  1. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
  2. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite
  3. What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?… A cookie sheet!
  4. How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle!
  5. How does one snowman greet another snowman?…. Ice to meet you.
  6. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Answer: Brrrr- itos.
  7. What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash!
  8. Where does a snowman keep his money?… In a snow bank.
  9. What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes!
  10. Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball!


January 1st: Top New Year’s Day Jokes

  1. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year!
  2. What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne
  3. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
  4. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security

New Years Eve One Liners

  1. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  2. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.

January 18th: Winnie the Pooh Day: Top 10 Winnie the Pooh Jokes

  1. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to Jerry Maguire?… “Show me the Honey!”
  2. What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin.
  3. What does Winnie-the-Pooh and Jabba the Hutt have in common?… The same middle name.
  4. What does Pooh wear to bed?… POOH-jamas
  5. What does Pooh walk on?… His bear feet.
  6. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say when he was offered dessert?… “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
  7. What do you get when you cross a Pooh with a honey jar?… A very sticky situation!
  8. What is the job of Winnie the Pooh’s father?… POOHlice! He is a Poohliceman.
  9. What do you get if you steal Winnie-the-Pooh’s honey?… A nice clear table.
  10. What ship are Tigger, Pooh, Piglet, Owl, Rabbit, Gopher, and Christopher Robin sailing on?… Friendship!

February Jokes

February 2nd: Ground Hog Day: Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes taken from Top Ground Hog Day Jokes!

  1. What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash.
  2. What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog!
  3. What would you get if you crossed Groundhog Day with a puppy?… Ground-dog Day!
  4. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters!
  5. Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?… He was having a bad lair day!
  6. What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?… Ground Nog Day!
  7. What’s green, has four legs, and jumps out of its hole on February 2?… The ground frog!
  8. What do you call a royal groundhog?… A crowned hog
  9. What is a groundhog’s favorite book?… Holes
  10. What do you call a groundhog adopted from the Humane Society?… A poundhog

February 7th: Top 10 Superbowl Jokes from Top Football Jokes (Superbowl Trivia)

February 14th: Valentine’s Day: Top 10 Valentine’s Day Jokes taken from 101 Valentine’s Day Jokes.

  1. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
  2. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
  3. What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
  4. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
  5. What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
  6. What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
  7. Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
  8. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
  9. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
  10. What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!

February 16th: President’s Day. Top 10 President’s Day Jokes!

  1. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms!
  2. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  3. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  4. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  5. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  6. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  7. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
  8. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  9. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  10. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!

March Jokes

March 14th, Pi Day: Top 10 Pi Day Jokes taken from 101 Pi Day Jokes

  1. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!
  2. Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
  3. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.
  4. In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
  5. What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi!
  6. What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
  7. What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?… Pi in the sky by and by.
  8. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
  9. mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical
    rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they
    want to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.
  10. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!

March 17th,  St. Patrick’s Day (Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!): Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

  1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
  2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
  3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
  4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
  5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
  6. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
  7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
  8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
  9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
  10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!

April Jokes

April 1st: Top 10 April Fools Day Jokes

  1. Do you know all about April 1st?… Yes, I’m fooly aware of it!
  2. What’s the best day for monkey business?… The first of Ape-ril!
  3. What’s the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool’s Day?… On one you’re thankful and on the other you’re prankful!
  4. What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?… Prankenstein!
  5. What can be seen in the middle of the months ‘April’ and ‘March’, that cannot be seen in the beginning or end of either month?… the letter “r.”
  6. Can February March?… No, but April May!
  7. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?…. Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March!
  8. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who? Noah body…  April Fool’s!
  9. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah. Noah who?… Noah fooling this time . . . it’s really me!
  10. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah something?… It’s still April Fool’s!

April 5th Easter: 70 Easter Jokes

  1. What do you call the Easter Bunny the Monday after Easter? … Tired.
  2. What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite restaurant?… IHOP
  3. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? … A receding “hareline.”
  4. Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail? … To a re-tail store!
  5. What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? … They lived hoppily ever after!
  6. What would you get if you crossed the Easter Bunny with Chinese food? … Hop suey!
  7. How does the Easter bunny stay healthy?… Egg-ercise and eating carrots
  8. How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur looking good?… With a hare brush.
  9. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a good joke? … It might crack up!
  10. What day of the week does an Easter egg hate the most? … Fry-days.

April 22nd Earth Day: Earth Day Jokes

  1. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in.
  2. “I have an obsession with wind farms.” “Really?” “Yes. I’m a huge fan.”
  3. What did one lightening bolt say to the other lightening bolt?… You’re shocking!
  4. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?… It waves.
  5. What’s a tornado’s favorite game?… Twister!
  6. How do hurricanes see?… With one eye!
  7. What does a cloud wear under his pants?… Thunderwear!
  8. What kind of bow can’t be tied?… A rainbow!
  9. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
  10. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?… May the Forest be with you.

April 24th Arbor Day: Top Arbor Day Jokes

  1. Did you hear the joke about Arbor Day?… It’ll leaf you laughing!
  2. Did you hear the joke about the oak tree?… It’s acorny one!
  3. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
  4. Did you hear the one about the redwood?… It’s tree-mendous!
  5. Why was the pine tree sent to its room?… Because it was being knotty!
  6. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks!
  7. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in.
  8. Why did you give the tree some aspirin?… Because I heard it was a sycamore!
  9. What kind of tree is often found in the kitchen?… A pantry!
  10. Why was the tree drooling?… It was a dogwood.

180 School Jokes: Start Your Day with a Smile!

40 Geography Jokes

Top Summer Jokes

May

May 4th: Top 10 Star Wars Jokes! #MayThe4thBeWithYou

  1. Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side.
  2. When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (Elementary teachers are great tutors!)
  3. Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?… At the Darth Maul, of course.
  4. What do Gungans put things in?… Jar Jars.
  5. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience.
  6. What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?… Chewie!
  7. What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name?… “The”
  8. What is a jedi’s favorite toy?… A yo-yoda
  9. Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money?… Because he’s always a little short.
  10. What do Jedi use to view PDF files?… Adobe Wan Kenobi

May 10th: Top 10 Mothers’ Day Jokes

  1. What did the mother rope say to her child?…“Don’t be knotty.”
  2. What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!”
  3. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?… It’s time to go to sweep!
  4. Mom, what is it like to have the best child in the world?… I don’t know, go ask your grandparents.
  5. Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name? … Larry.
  6. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
  7. What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?… “We’re gonna have a BB!”
  8. Son: Why is a computer so smart?… Mom: It listens to its motherboard.
  9. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, do you say prayers before eating?… Student: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.
  10. Dad: Why did you chop the joke book in half? Son: Mom said to cut the comedy.

May 25th: Top 10 Memorial Day Jokes & Top 50 Memorial Day Quotes: These jokes are not meant in away to offend or take away from this important American holiday.

Many of these jokes can be used for Flag Day, the 4th of July, and Veteran’s Day.

  1. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleeveis. (get it his sleeves)?
  2. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  3. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “ Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  4. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes)
  5. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. (Flag Day Jokes)
  6. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”? (Flag Day Jokes)
  7. What did one American flag say to the other flag?…..Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  8. What did King George think of the American colonists?…He thought they were revolting! (Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  9. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British.(Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  10. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  11. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)

June

Flag Day: Top Flag Day Jokes: Top 10 Flag Day Jokes

  1. What did on flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It waved!
  2. How is a flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole!
  3. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!”
  4. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee.
  5. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave.
  6. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”?
  7. What’s red, white and blue?… Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane!
  8. Teacher: “Jenny, what do you know that has stars and stripes?” Jenny: “A movie about a zebra!”
  9. What did the patriotic dog do on Flag Day?… He flagged his tail!
  10. What’s red, white, blue and yellow?… The Star-spangled Banana!

Father’s Day: Father’s Day Jokes

  1. What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son
  2. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?A POPsicle!
  3. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.
  4. Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?…In case they get a hole in one!
  5. Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can’t come to school today? To whom am I speaking?…Voice: This is my father.
  6. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?…Science student:When my father sees my report card!
  7. Son: For $20, I’ll be good…Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing.
  8. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate…Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait!
  9. Boy: What does your father do for a living? Friend: He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half. Boy: Do you have any brothers or sisters? Friend: Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.
  10. Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.” “That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!” A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!” “That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!” A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!” “That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!” The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask. “I work for 7 Up!”

July

July 4th: Top 93 4th of July Jokes

  1. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance!
  2. What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved!
  3. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
  4. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  5. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
  6. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up!
  7. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  8. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
  9. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty!
  10. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)

August Jokes

Top 10 Back To School Jokes (Top 83 Back to School Jokes)

  1. Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year.
  2. Student: The first day of school is always special to me. It’s the only day of the year when I’m not behind in my homework.
  3. Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was!
  4. A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
  5. The first day of school wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t followed by the second day of school, and the third day of school, and then the fourth day of school.
  6. The first day of school is exciting, but so is riding a roller coaster, and I wouldn’t want to do that for nine months in a row either.
  7. Teachers always seem happy on the first day of school. That’s because they’re getting paid to be there. We kids have to do it for free.
  8. Son: I’m not going back to school ever again! Mother: Why not? Son: The teacher doesn’t know a thing, all she does is ask questions!
  9. Teacher: What would happen if you took the school bus home? Student: The police would make you bring it back!
  10. Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother’s day? Student: The school bus!

September Jokes

Top Fall Jokes

September 7th: Top Labor Day Jokes

  1. Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me!
  2. Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labour Day. Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labour Day?’
  3. Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It works for me!
  4. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.  However, the only person to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
  5. If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?
  6. If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
  7. “It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.” Harry S. Truman
  8. I asked a little girl do you know why we get out of school for Labor Day? She was very enthusiastic to say “It is a time when all the mommys of the world go into labor”
  9. If today is labor day, how many babies were born?
  10. My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.

September 13th: Top Grandparents Day Jokes

  1. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone?
  2. What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale!
  3. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
  4. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”
  5. When do you know your grandfather is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it!
  6. Why do grandparents count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time.
  7. Why do Grandparents smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
  8. When is your grandparents bedtime?… Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch.
  9. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

September 17th: Constitution Day WebsitesTop Constitution Day Jokes

Social Studies Teachers Are Great Tutors!

  1. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!

September 19th: Talk Like a Pirate Day

  1. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week)
  2. What did the sea say to the Pirate Captain?… Nothing, it just waved! (Top Geography Jokes)
  3. Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?… IHOP
  4. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?… Because they can spend years at C. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week)
  5. Why did the pirate fail his spelling class?…. Because he insisted there were seven ‘C’s. (Deos Selplnig Ralely Mtetar? & Spelling Lists)
  6. What happened when Redbeard fell in the Deep Blue Sea?… He got marooned.
  7. Why should pirates work for FedEx?… They have the fastest ships in the shipping business.
  8. What’s a pirate’s favorite state? Arrrrkansas (Top State Jokes)
  9. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Pi Day Jokes)
  10. What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?… Jump hook. (Top Basketball Jokes)

October

Top Fall Jokes

Top 10 Fall Jokes

  1. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?… To make up for his miserable summer.(Top Summer Jokes)
  2. What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone. (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
  3. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?… With a pumpkin patch.
  4. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
  5. What did one leaf say to another?… I’m falling for you. (Top Valentines Day Jokes)
  6. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?… Squash.
  7. Why did summer catch autumn?… Because autumn had a fall.
  8. What falls in autumn?… Leaves!
  9. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi (101 Pi Day Jokes)
  10. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?… A pumpkin patch!

October 2, 2015: Top Smile Day Jokes

  1. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
  2. Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
  3. Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you smile alone.
  4. People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile.
  5. I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.
  6. He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

October 12, 2015: Top Columbus Day Jokes

Social Studies Teachers are Great Tutors! Top Social Studies Jokes!

  1. Where did Columbus first land in America?… On his feet!
  2. Columbus’ Father: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You could have written.
  3. The teacher stood at the front of the room. “Does anybody know what this Monday is?” About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. “It’s Columbus Day!” he crowed. The teacher smiled. “It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?” This time, only one student raised her hand. “It’s the day the Indians discovered Columbus!”
  4. How was Columbus’s ship like an avid shopper?… They’re both driven by sales!
  5. The teacher was telling the story of Christopher Columbus and how many thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that the world was really round and… got interrupted… “Miss Smith, the world is square, not round,” said Johnny. “No, it’s round Johnny. Who told you it was square?” replied the teacher. “My older brother. He claims he’s been to all 4 corners of the earth.” (Top Geography Jokes)
  6. What happened when Columbus was shot at by an Indian?… He had an arrow miss.
  7. Why did the hungry Columbus eat the last candle?… He wanted a light snack.
  8. Who was the first cat to discover America?… Christopher Columpuss!
  9. What would you get if you crossed Columbus Day with Halloween?… Ghoulumbus Day! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  10. What’s the difference between one of Columbus’s sailors and a monster?… One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind! (Top Halloween Jokes)

October 23rd: Top 10 Mole Day Jokes taken from 101 Mole Day Jokes: We love chemistry, chemistry teachers and especially chemistry teachers who tutor! Chemistry teachers are great tutors!

  1. What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together.
  2. Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?… He was only tense to the 23rd!
  3. How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills
  4. Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect
  5. What’s the mole’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semimoles
  6. What element do moles love to study in chemistry?… Molybdenum
  7. Why was there only one Avogadro?… When they made him, they broke the Moled
  8. What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?… A chocolate Moletd
  9. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?… Avocado’s number!
  10. Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?… Father Molecahy

October 31st: Top 10 Halloween Jokes taken from 101 Halloween Jokes

  1. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck!
  2. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?…Lazy bones!
  3. What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing).
  4. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
  5. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy.
  6. When do vampires like horse racing?…When it’s neck and neck!
  7. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
  8. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
  9. What school subject is a witch good at?…Spelling.
  10. How do you say goodbye to a vampire?… So long sucker!

November

Top Fall Jokes

Top 10 Fall Jokes

November 11th: Top Veterans Day Jokes!

  1. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)?
  2. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes & Top Arbor Day Jokes)
  3. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “ Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  4. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes)
  5. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. (Flag Day Jokes)
  6. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”? (Flag Day Jokes)
  7. What did one American flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  8. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting! (Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  9. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  10. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?… Tea-shirts. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)

Friday November 13th: Top Friday the 13th Jokes

  1. Why does Freddy Krueger wear a hat?… He ran out of scare spray.
  2. What’s Jason Voorhees favorite desert?… I-Scream!
  3. What do get when you cross Jason Voorhees and a box of cherrios?… A cereal killer.
  4. What’s Jason Voorhees favorite bean?… A human bean.
  5. What do Italian’s eat on Friday the 13th?… Fettucinni Afraid-o
  6. What song does Jason Voorhees sing on Friday the 13th?… “Takin Care of Business”
  7. When Jason Voorhees tells a joke…. it kills!

Geography Awareness Week: Top Geography Jokes

  1. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use. (Top Math Jokes of All-Time)
  2. How did Christopher Columbus finance his way to the new land?… With his Discover card!
  3. If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! (U.S. Teachers are Great Tutors!)
  4. What did the puny rock say to the big muscle rock?… I wish I were boulder!
  5. What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?… Both are legends.
  6. What is smarter, longitude or latitude?…Longitude, because it has 360 degrees.
  7. What always sits in the corner but can move all round the world?… A stamp.
  8. “Old geographers never die, they just become legends.”
  9. Why was longitude boiling mad?… Because it was 360 degrees.
  10. What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?… A con-tour map.

Thanksgiving: Top 79 Thanksgiving Day Jokes & Thanksgiving Jokes for Teachers and Families

  1. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship)
  2. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock!
  3. What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?… The turkey trot!
  4. Why do pilgrims pants keep falling down?… Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
  5. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?… Their AGE!
  6. Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?… The turkey because he’s already stuffed!
  7. Sister: Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving dinner. Brother: Why? Is it broken
  8. Which November Holiday is Dracula’s favorite?… Fangs-giving (Top Halloween Jokes)
  9. How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?… It hugged the shore! (Top Geography Jokes)
  10. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys who?…. Gladys Thanksgiving. Aren’t you?

Black Friday Jokes

  1. What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?… They know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed!
  2. Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday”?… It matches the mood of all those unhappy shoppers.
  3. What’s the best part about Black Friday?… Resting on Saturday.
  4. Who profits the most on Black Friday?… The one who was smart enough not to go shopping on that day.
  5. What was the horse looking for on Black Friday?… A Macintosh.
  6. What flies faster than items off the rack on Black Friday?… Credit card payment slips!
  7. Which family usually spends the most on Black Friday?… The one who earns the least.
  8. Why do shoppers feel like cranberry juice on Black Friday?… They get bruised and battered bloody by other people until they get squeezed at the cashier.
  9. What did Nala tell Simba subsequent to seeing a crowd of ladies on Black Friday?… You gotta Mufasa (move faster)
  10. What animal flies faster than items off the rack on Black Friday?… Credit card payment vultures.

December

December 25th, Christmas: Top 10 Christmas Jokes taken from 140 Christmas Jokes for TeachersTop Christmas JokesChristmas Trivia Questions and Answers.

December 31st: Top New Years Eve Jokes

  1. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top Easter Jokes)
  2. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?…  Moo Year’s Eve!
  3. What song does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG Syne (Top Halloween Jokes)
  4. What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?… I haven’t seen you for a year!
  5. What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security. (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  6. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?…  Moo Year’s Day!
  7. A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. (New Years Eve One Liners)
  8. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions. (New Years Eve One Liners)

 

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