Valentine’s Day Jokes: 101 Valentine’s Day Jokes

If you are a teacher who tutors, register with us for just $12 for a year. This is the only fee! Teachers keep 100% of the money.

Parents, “teachers are great tutors!” Find one in your area today!

Please Share!


FREE registration for U.S. teachers who tutor!

My Town Tutors loves a good laugh. Over the years we have acquired many jokes for teachers. Hopefully you find them useful and can have some fun with them.

  1. Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
  2. Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
  3. What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
  4. Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
  5. What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
  6. What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
  7. Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
  8. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
  9. What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
  10. What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!
  11. Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?… He was totally bow-gus!
  12. What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts!
  13. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses!
  14. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you!
  15. What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… You’re nuts so bad yourself!
  16. What is the difference between a calendar and single person?… A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.
  17. Why did the banana go out with the prune for Valentine’s Day?… Because he couldn’t get a date.
  18. Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?… Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
  19. What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?… I love you a ton!
  20. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Sherwood… Sherwood who?… Sherwood like to be your valentine!
  21. What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Rugs and kisses!
  22. What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny!
  23. What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?… His ghoul-friend.
  24. What did the drum say to his Valentine?… My heart beats for you!
  25. What did one calculator say to the other?… “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” (101 Math Jokes)
  26. What did the painter say to his Valentine?… I love you with all my art!
  27. What did the owl say to his Valentine?… Owl be yours!
  28. What did the cat say to his Valentine?… You’re purr-fect for me!
  29. If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?… Antelope.
  30. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.
  31. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you!
  32. What did the bat say to his girlfriend?…. You’re fun to hang around with.
  33. What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?… “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
  34. Knock knock!…Who’s there?… Howard… Howard who?… Howard you like a big kiss?
  35. What do single people call Valentine’s Day?… Happy Independence Day (Top 40 4th of July Jokes).
  36. Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?… Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
  37. What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers!
  38. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas Valentine’s Day is here!
  39. What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?…. A card that says, “I love you drool-ly!”
  40. Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?… She stole his heart.
  41. What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?…. Hogs and kisses!
  42. What did one pickle say to the other?… You mean a great dill to me.
  43. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Jimmy… Jimmy who?… Jimmy a little kiss?
  44. What did one volcano say to the other?…I lava you.
  45. Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?… She didn’t suit his taste!
  46. What did one light bult say to the other?… You light up my life!
  47. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring.
  48. What did the iPod say to it`s owner?… You make me so very appy!
  49. What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?… I Love Ewe!
  50. What did the girl sheep say back to the boy sheep?… You’re not so baaaa-d yourself!
  51. What happened when the two angels got married?… They lived harpily ever after!
  52. What did one snake say to the other snake?… Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
  53. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you!
  54. What did the boy pig say to the girl pig?… I’m hog wild about you!
  55. What did the engine say to the key?… You turn me on!
  56. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine`s Day?… Let me call you Tweet heart!
  57. What did the light bulb say to his Valentine?… I love you watts and watts!
  58. What did the train say to his Valentine?… I choo-choo-choose you!
  59. What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?… You are bee- utiful! Will you bee mine?
  60. What did the girl bee say to the boy bee on Valentine’s Day?… I love beeing with you, Honey!
  61. Then there was the guy who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine`s Day. So he took her to a baseball park!
  62. What did one bell say to the other?… Be my valenchime!
  63. Do you love me more than you love sleep?… I can`t answer now. It`s time for my nap!
  64. What did one fir tree say to the other?… Be my valenpine!
  65. Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?… It was a case of guppy love.
  66. What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a baseball player?… A glover boy!
  67. What is the most romantic city in England?… Loverpool!
  68. What happened when the two tennis players met?… It was lob at first sight!
  69. Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?… He fell in love with a pin cushion!
  70. What did the chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Hugs and quiches.
  71. What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much!
  72. Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?… Because he wanted sweet dreams.
  73. What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine’s Day?… Somebunny likes you!
  74. What did the boy whale say to the girl whale on Valentine’s Day?…  Whale you be mine?
  75. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Pooch… Pooch who?… Pooch your arms around me!
  76. Why do melons have to get married in churches?… Because they cantaloupe!
  77. Knock knock!… Who’s there? Frank… Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
  78. What did the buck say to the doe on Valentine’s Day?…. You’re a dear! (Deer)
  79. What did one piece of string say to the other?… Be my valentwine!
  80. What did the letter say to the stamp?… You send me.
  81. Knock, knock…Who’s there?… Luke… Luke who?…  Luke, I got a Valentine!
  82. What did one monster say to the other?… Be my valenslime!
  83. What did the vacuum cleaner say to the outlet?… I really get a charge out of you!
  84. What did the rabbit say to his Valentine?… You’re no bunny ’til some bunny loves you!
  85. What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?… I’m sweet on you!
  86. What did the octopus say to his Valentine?… I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
  87. What did the valentine card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and we`ll go places!
  88. What do you get when dragons kiss?… Third degree burns of the lips!
  89. What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a meat and vegtable dish?… Stewpid!
  90. What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?… One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.
  91. What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?… Forget-me-nuts.
  92. What happened to your leg?…I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day and I pulled a mussel!
  93. What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?… It made him wed his plants!
  94. What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?… “Be my valenstein!”
  95. What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?… You get buttered up.
  96. What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?… He gives it a valenshine!
  97. What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?… He left lip prints on the mirror!
  98. What’s the best part about Valentines Day?… The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  99. What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?… I only have eyes for ewe, dear,
  100. Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?… It was Valenswine’s Day.
  101. Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed, “guess who?”… A divorce lawyer.
  102. What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?… “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.”
  103. Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?… Because even Cupid can`t hit a target that small
  104. What two words have a thousand letters in them?… Post Office!
  105. Why do valentines have hearts on them?… Because spleens would look pretty gross!
  106. Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?… Because you always heart the one you love!
  107. What’s red and white and swims in the ocean?… A valentine cod!
  108. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: Look at the tag on their shirt and then say: “Oh, I thought you were made in Heaven!”
  109. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
  110. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Were your parents thieves?… Because they must have stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
  111. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Did it hurt? When you fell down out of heaven.”
  112. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Excuse me, do you have a mobile phone I can use? I told my Mum I’d call her when I fell in love!!!”
  113. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.”
  114. Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “I lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?”

 

Comments are closed.