Super Bowl Jokes: Top Football Jokes

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Football Jokes

  1. Why did the football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
  2. Why can’t the struggling quarterback get into his own driveway?… Someone painted an endzone on it.
  3. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game? If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
  4. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?…They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  5. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  6. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  7. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? A. “Give me my quarterback!”
  8. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… ALL the NFL teams not in the Super Bowl.
  9. Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield? Because he was trying to make ends meet.
  10. Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.
  11. What kind of ends do you find in libraries? Book ends.
  12. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
  13. Which football team cooks gourmet meals together? The Kansas City Chefs.
  14. Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.
  15. What did the football say to the punter? “I get a kick out of you.”
  16. Did you here about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
  17. Where do quarterbacks go when they get old? Out to pass-ture.
  18. If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use? Your fishing tackle.
  19. What do you call a lineman’s kids? Chips off the old blocker.
  20. What football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.
  21. Why do coaches like punters? Because punters always put their best foot forward.

Funny Superbowl Quotes

  1. I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. – President Gerald Ford
  2. I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel ‘em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep. – DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique
  3. He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. – Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski
  4. I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. – Saints RB, George Rogers
  5. I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start to eat. – Art Donovan
  6. The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
  7. Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. – Doug Plank, former-Chicago Bears
  8. Rapport? You mean like, ‘You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?’ – QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice
  9. We’re as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody. - Nate Newton
  10. I always enjoy animal acts. – President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears

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