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- Why did the football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
- Why can’t the struggling quarterback get into his own driveway?… Someone painted an endzone on it.
- How is losing money in a payphone like a football game? If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
- Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?…They can’t string three “Ws” together.
- What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
- What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
- What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine? A. “Give me my quarterback!”
- What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… ALL the NFL teams not in the Super Bowl.
- Why did the poor quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield? Because he was trying to make ends meet.
- Where do hungry football players play? In the Supper Bowl.
- What kind of ends do you find in libraries? Book ends.
- What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
- Which football team cooks gourmet meals together? The Kansas City Chefs.
- Which player is the easiest target to hit with the football? The wide receiver.
- What did the football say to the punter? “I get a kick out of you.”
- Did you here about the football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
- Where do quarterbacks go when they get old? Out to pass-ture.
- If you want to sack the Dolphins quarterback, what should you use? Your fishing tackle.
- What do you call a lineman’s kids? Chips off the old blocker.
- What football play should you be suspicious of? The quarterback sneak.
- Why do coaches like punters? Because punters always put their best foot forward.
Funny Superbowl Quotes
- I had pro offers from the Detroit Lions and Green Bay Packers, who were pretty hard up for linemen in those days. If I had gone into professional football the name Jerry Ford might have been a household word today. – President Gerald Ford
- I just wrap my arms around the whole backfield and peel ‘em one by one until I get to the ball carrier. Him, I keep. – DT Big Daddy Lipscomb on his tackling technique
- He is the only man I ever saw who ran his own interference. – Steve Owen on Bronko Nagurski
- I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first. – Saints RB, George Rogers
- I’m a light eater. As soon as it’s light, I start to eat. – Art Donovan
- The reason women don’t play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. – Phyllis Diller
- Most football players are temperamental. That’s 90 percent temper and 10 percent mental. – Doug Plank, former-Chicago Bears
- Rapport? You mean like, ‘You run as fast as you can, and I’ll throw it as far as I can?’ – QB Jeff Kemp on his rapport with WR Jerry Rice
- We’re as clean as any team. We wash our hands before we hit anybody. - Nate Newton
- I always enjoy animal acts. – President Calvin Coolidge when asked if he wanted to meet the Chicago Bears