101 Halloween Jokes For Teachers, Schools, & Families

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  1. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?… Because everyone was a goblin!
  2. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
  3. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?… Day scare!
  4. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?…The trombone.
  5. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?…MaliBOO!
  6. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck!
  7. What does a bird say at Halloween?…”Twick or tweet.”
  8. What does a panda ghost eat?….Bam-BOO!
  9. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?…Lazy bones!
  10. What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing)
  11. Who did Dracula bring to the prom?…His ghoul friend.
  12. What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY!
  13. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?…A nectarine.
  14. What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?…”Spook when you’re spooken to.”
  15. What kind of mail does a celebrity vampire get?…Fang mail!
  16. What kind of boat do werewolves like?…blood vessels
  17. What is the problem with two twin witches?… You never know which witch is which!
  18. What pants do ghosts wear?…BOO jeans.
  19. What do you call a witch who likes the beach but is scared of the water?…A chicken sand witch.
  20. What does a ghost call his mom and dad?…His transparents.
  21. What did the skeleton order with his drink?… A mop.
  22. Why did the mummy get a headache?…Because he was GOBLIN his candy!
  23. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
  24. Where did the ghost go on vacation?…The BOO-hamas!
  25. Why did Dracula go to the library?…He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!
  26. How do phantoms travel?…Ghost to ghost.
  27. What kind of TV do you find inside a haunted house?…A wide scream TV.
  28. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?…Either a flying bandage or a gift wrapped bat!
  29. What school subject is a witch good at?…Spelling.
  30. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?…A pumpkin patch.
  31. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?…Because you can see right through him.
  32. What do you call a witch at the beach?…A sand-witch.
  33. Why couldn’t the skeleton cross the road?…Because he didn’t have the guts.
  34. Why did the skeleton go scuba diving?…Because he wanted to get some muscles!
  35. Why did the vampire give up acting?…Because he couldn’t find a part he could sink his teeth into.
  36. Why was the skeleton scared to cross the road?…Because there was a dog on the other side.
  37. What do skeletons say before they start to eat?…Bone appetite.
  38. What do ghosts serve for dessert?…I scream.
  39. What monster wears the most clothes?…A werewolf!
  40. How do you make a witch itch?…Take away her W.
  41. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.”
  42. Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?…Because he had no body to go with.
  43. Why did the skeleton stand in the corner during his prom?…Because he had no body to dance with!
  44. What is a witch’s favorite food?…Goulash.
  45. Why was the little ghost crying?…Because he wanted his mummy.
  46. What did the jack-o’-lantern say to the other jack-o’-lantern when they were on their way to a Halloween party?…”Let’s get glowing.”
  47. What do you get when you cross a mummy with a vampire bat?… A flying Band-Aid.
  48. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?…Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!
  49. What do you do when you see a ghost?…Run away of course!
  50. Where does a vampire keep his money?…In a blood bank.
  51. What do you call a vampire 200 miles from a blood bank?…A cab.
  52. Why don’t skeletons play music in church?…They have no organs.
  53. What kind of dog does a vampire have?…A bloodhound.
  54. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.”
  55. What did the werewolf eat after he’d had his teeth cleaned?…The dentist.
  56. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?…Ghoul-aid!
  57. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy.
  58. Where do you go when a ghost is chasing you?…To the living room!
  59. What is a skeleton’s favorite drink?…Milk, it’s white and good for your bones.
  60. When do vampires like horse racing?…When it’s neck and neck!
  61. Why did the Cyclops close his school?…Because he only had one pupil.
  62. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?…Frostbite.
  63. What do you call two witches who share a broom?…Broom mates.
  64. What do you call two witches that live together?…Broom mates.
  65. What do you call a nervous witch?… A twitch.
  66. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?…Dead ringers.
  67. What does a ghost keep in its stable?…Nightmares.
  68. How do ghosts like their eggs?…Terror-fried.
  69. How was Frankenstien’s birth?…Shocking.
  70. Why can’t you tell a skeleton a secret?…Because it goes in one ear and out the other.
  71. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
  72. Why don’t mummies take vacations?…They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
  73. What kind of candy won’t a ghost touch?…Life Savers.
  74. What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?…The actors get stage fright.
  75. What song do vampires hate?…”You are my sunshine!”
  76. What did the little ghost say to his mom?…”I’ve got a boo boo.”
  77. What is a ghost’s favourite ride?… A roller-ghoster.
  78. What do witches call for in a hotel room?… Broom service.
  79. What do you get if you cross a skeleton with a famous detective?…Sherlock Bones!
  80. What do you call an overweight pumpkin?…A plumpkin!
  81. How do you make a skeleton laugh?…Tickle its funnybone!
  82. What is worse than being a three hundred pound witch?…Being her broom.
  83. What do vampires never order at a cafe?…A STAKE sandwich!
  84. What did one ghost say to the other?…”Do you believe in people?!”
  85. What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?…Auld Fang Syne!
  86. Where do ghosts get their mail?…At the ghost office.
  87. What do skeletons say at the front door?…”Crick or creak!”
  88. What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?…Any old girl he can dig up.
  89. Why was the big hairy , two-headed monster top of the class in school?…Because two heads are better than one.
  90. Frankenstein and Dracula had a tennis match. Who won?…Frankenstein, because Dracula sucks! (sorry PG 13)
  91. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?…A cariboo!
  92. Why doesn’t a witch wear a flat hat?…Because there’s no point in it!
  93. What do monsters order in fast food restaurants?…French FRIGHTS!
  94. Why don’t you eat ghosts?…They’ll go right through you.
  95. What games do bats like to play on Halloween?… Anything with a ball.
  96. What do you read on Halloween?…BOO-ks
  97. Why can’t Dracula play baseball?…He lost his bat.
  98. What time is it when you see costumes, a house, candy and hear trick-or-treat?…Halloween!
  99. What do you get when you cross a hot dog and Halloween?…A Hallo-weenie!
  100. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the guitar?…The neck.
  101. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Wolves say…Wolves say who?…Wolves say Happy HOWL-oween!
  102. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Boo!…Boo who?…No, no, don’t cry! I was just kidding.

Bonus Jokes

  1. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Ivana…Ivana who?…Ivana suck your blood.
  2. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Frank…Frank who?…Frankenstein!
  3. Knock knock…Who’s there?…Orange…Orange who?…Orange you glad it’s Halloween?!
  4. Knock knock..Who’s there?…The ghost and the invisible man…The ghost and the invisible man who?…Long time no see!
  5. Monster: It is a very hot day today! Witch: So, can I make you a lemonade? Monster: Yes! Witch: Poof! You’re lemonade!

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