4th of July Jokes: Top 40

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Celebrate Independence Day with some family 4th of July jokes.

  1. What did one flag say to the other flag?…..Nothing. It just waved!
  2. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
  3. How is a healthy person like the United States?…They both have good constitutions!
  4. What dance was very popular in 1776?…Indepen-dance!
  5. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  6. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?…Yeah, it cracked me up!
  7. What did King George think of the American colonists?…He thought they were revolting!
  8. Do they have a 4th of July in England?…Yes. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.
  9. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?…Because she can’t sit down.
  10. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?… Get in the boat, men!”
  11. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee.
  12. Best American Battle Book Never Written: “American Victories” by Norman D. Beech.
  13. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  14. A Immigration Book Never Written: “Coming to America” by Anita Greencard.
  15. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “ Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
  16. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  17. What’s red, white and blue?… Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane!
  18. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave.
  19. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student: “Play ball”?
  20. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts.
  21. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks.
  22. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
  23. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?…Liberty!
  24. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  25. Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?…Because they lived in colonies.
  26. What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?…A fire cracker
  27. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?…Monti jello
  28. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?…He was a Yankee doodler
  29. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree
  30. What’s red, white, blue and green? A seasick Uncle Sam
  31. What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?…My pop’s bigger than your pop.
  32. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?Fire crackers
  33. Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia.”Student: “False. It was written in ink.”
  34. How was the at the Fourth of July picnic?…The hot dogs were bad, but the brats were the wurst!
  35. Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked.
  36. Why did the duck say, “Bang”?…He was a fire-quacker.
  37. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British.
  38. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party.
  39. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.
  40. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.

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